My daughter is 23 now.  She’s graduated with her bachelors and is now taking more courses at another college.  I’m so proud of her.  And I miss her.  She moved home for 6 months after graduating, but moved out for good this past June.  I just now sat in her old room, with a handful of her stuffed animals held tight to my chest, crying so hard, I’m grateful I don’t have a headache.  I don’t just miss her, but I miss the energy in the house, the giggles, the “mom, guess what?!” she’d exclaim for the 10 th time that day.  I feel so, so incredibly blessed to be her mom and to have the memories I do.  She lives an hour away.  I couldn’t find my way there even with GPS.  She makes a sincere effort to come home and visit and of course we email and text, but I’m not really a part of her life anymore.  Even though that’s how it should be, because we raise our children to be independant and self-sufficient, I wasn’t ready to let go.  I am writing this with tears in my eyes still.  I haven’t cried in so long, and I know part of this is my committment to be honest, to stop hiding and isolating, to stop escaping.  So now I’m left to feel, and it hurts.  It hurts a lot.

~ by myjourneyout on February 20, 2010.

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