It’s been almost two weeks since I started this journey. I sat down the other night and continued reviewing paperwork, bills, logging my expenses, etc. I thought I already did that, but there was more. A lot more. I love when my house is clean, LOVE IT, but this is a different kind of cleaning. More like from the inside out. I now know exactly what I’m spending, where, and on what. I know exactly what my bills are and when they’re due. I have one or two items that I am “vague” on, such as a library fine. I know it’s around 30.00 but I don’t know the exact amount and I’m embarrassed to contact them. But I will. Everyday I buy the same sandwich from a local convenience store. With chips and water, it comes to about 10.00. I can buy everything to make them at home and get approx. 10 of the exact same sandwiches with the extra’s, for approx. 30.00. Savings? $70.00!!! I find myself constantly running numbers now. I was googling credit unions last night. I’m paying attention. It feels great. I don’t have anymore to work with than I did two weeks ago when I was in such despair and shame, but now that I “care”, and now that I am paying attention, appreciating what I DO have, and overall just respecting myself and money more, I feel 100% better. SO MUCH better.
I am also starting to integrate a “prosperity consciousness”. This is key to my recovery. We do get what we dwell on and most of us dwell on lack and struggle, when all around is is lavish abundance. Just look at the leaves on a tree, grains of sand on a beach…stars in the sky, kisses from my dogs. It is a wealthy, abundant universe and we are all part of that. Lack and limitation, not to mention struggle is so ingrained in me, that I must be diligent about this. Reading, speaking and writing affirmations, listening to subliminal tapes are a good start.